Rate My Fish Tank

Tue Jun 10, 2008 1:58 am GMT   Reply      

Being a psychiatrist is no fun. They are medical doctors and primarily diagnose and prescribe medications. Psychologists (some) and therapists are more intimately involved with and see their clients more often. Psychiatrists see a diagnosis and therapists see a person. Generalization.

Z

Tue Jun 10, 2008 2:06 am GMT   Reply      

Peter -

Ok, I've been wanting to ask, and since I'm in such an analytical mood, I'll ask. When you refer to your ex-girlfriend, the wench she was, why do you always refer to her as a "black" woman, rather than a woman? My partner is white, but I don't call her a "white woman". LOL She's also Jewish, but I don't call her my Jewish, white girlfriend. LOL Although I have called her my (*&#^*# girlfriend. LOL, but not to her Jewish, white face.

Z

Tue Jun 10, 2008 10:22 am GMT   Reply      

WOW - - i love this post.............i need to get my 16 yr old daughter to read it, we "fight" about our stands on gay/not gay , choice /birth etc. etc. pretty regularly, and i must admit there is a very fine line to belief, theory, acceptance, denial, etc etc etc...........while as i stated before that I don't believe in the lifestyle and I can't put my "it's alright for you" stamp on it.........i believe more whole heartedly .....to the point of killing that I in no way have the right to tell "you" {anyone} what they can and can't do with their lives....i can give my opinion...........but it stops right there, it's just my opinion. And who you sleep with or live with or confide in.....in no way affects our {whose ever and mine} relationship.....................what, am i gonna get gay fish because Z gives me advise????? Am I gonna get Tangs that beat up Clowns because they have pretty coats on when I get advice from Gumbii???? what an assinine thought...LMAO

Now as a father, i have to figure out what is the correct way to teach this concept {parenting should have a book, lol} like i said the line is so fine between wanting to say, "it's a wrong lifestyle" and God {higher power} didn't give me the authority to say "it's wrong" - -so Z -with all your schoolling, degrees, 30 yrs expierience as a gay person and you've probably been to the store twice, lol what is your {very respected BTW} opinion/thoughts on this???? I don't believe in "letting them figure it out" I made enough mistakes in my life....if i can help her not make at least those mistakes, then she will have more room to make her own.......why repeat the ones that have been made? I want to present her with all the information I can {not all the ideals that are mine} for example......I'm haveing a very hard time with this Presidential election, so my daughter and I have a deal, I'm giving her my vote BUT she has to explain to me why we are voteing for whtever candidate we are......it has been an awsome expierience, we talk, we fight, we agree, we disagree.....but more importantly we will arrive at a choice, a well informed choice....together on election day..................

interesting question you posed to PK, I obviously can't speak for him, but I dated a very native Hawian for a while and I always refered to her as my Hawian GF - -and I really can't say why....I don't refer to my wonderful wife as my White wife of Polish decent - - -although like you said I do refer to my cheating X wife as *&%#$#!%$#&^% C*nt --- lol

But i think that we {humans} as a rule are simetrical beings...............so if we chose to move out of this and date, a person of another race, creed, color, same sex..............we might need to "warn" other simetrical beings, so they aren't taken off guard, or .......with the rampent problems with raceism today....it may be a simple as a filter..............if i say , my Black gf and you come back with some crazy racist remarks.....well..................guess who i'm not talking to anymore, hehehehe.............................

Good thoughts and concepts.....i love em all


Snowboss

Tue Jun 10, 2008 7:07 pm GMT   Reply      

Personally-I-like-the-polarity-betwen-a-man-and-a-woman.....I-love-the-fact-that-a-man-and-a-woman-fit-together-anatomicly,-and-I-like-the-way-women-are-energetically-too......I-don't-get-the-rough-sex-that-two-testoterone-packed-men-have-together-in-West-Hollywood....It's-not-attractive-to-me....It's-like-trying-to-put-the-positive-ends-of-two-magnets-together-from-my-perspective.....I've-had-many-gay-massage-clients-and-quite-a-few-have-been-with-the-same-partner-for-15-plus-years-which-I-think-is-admirable.......I-personally-think-homosexuality-is-harmless.....Many-animals-play-the-role-of-the-other-sex-when-there-are-too-many-of-one-and-none-of-the-other,-so-actually,-I-do-think-homosexuality-is-normal......Religon-is-invariably-devisive-and-likes-to-seperate-itself-from-the-"non-believers",or-people-who-have-different-beliefs-and-I-believe-this-is-a-man-made-rule,-not-that-of-God-who-loves-everybody-regardless-of-sexual-orientation.....Finally,-I-don't-think-homosexuality-is-contagious......They-don't-make-adopted-children-gay-and-they-hurt-noone-in-my-opinion.

Wed Jun 11, 2008 12:39 am GMT   Reply      

Snow -

Actually I can respond to your question posed to me because I'm a counselor for troubled youth, and not for any of the reasons you listed! My advice is that you have to let your daughter make mistakes, that's how we learn. It is hard to watch them make the mistakes you already made, but we learn best from our own experience, not by being told how (or how not) to do something. Also, developmentally, teens are doing primarily two things 1) establishing their independence and 2) defining themselves. Both of these very important developmental milestones are critical to attaining proper coping skills and general life skills. Teens sense a threat to both of these objectives when anyone tries to inhibit their ability to explore themselves.

Let your daughter believe what she believes, don't argue about it, just respect her opinion and ask her to respect your opinion. She may change her mind tomorrow, and besides, she's actually listening to and being influenced by you perhaps more than you know.

Peter -
Trust me, two women fit together just fine. Quite cozy actually. Our concept of what "fits" perhaps needs to be examined. Personally, the idea of a penis in me is repulsive and doesn't seem like it would "fit" at all. Expand you horizons, try making love to your wife without your penis. (No offense guys, I'm sure your women adore your member, but it's a fact that very few women have an orgasm with the penis alone.)

And Peter ---> "They-usually-aren't-going-to-breed,-so-what's-the-worry?" ----> WTF!?

Zambize

Wed Jun 11, 2008 12:54 am GMT   Reply      

Snow -

I have to disagree with this one:

Snow said "But i think that we {humans} as a rule are simetrical beings...............so if we chose to move out of this and date, a person of another race, creed, color, same sex..............we might need to "warn" other simetrical beings, so they aren't taken off guard"

That is to say it is ok if someone else has issue with someone being different. We "warn" someone when there is impending danger or something reasonable to be wary of. If someone has issue with a different race, then maybe they should be surprised and be uncomfortable. It's their own prejudice making them so and to give them warning is to approve of their prejudice. And about symmetry, isn't two women or two men more symmetrical than a man and woman? That would be asymmetry. And if "we {humans} as a rule are symmetrical beings", then why were so many different variations of us created?

I don't introduce myself as "Hi, I'm Z and I'm gay." just to warn people. If they get to know me first they'll like me and maybe expand their horizons a bit. This has happened many times and I've helped many people reconsider their prejudices by allowing them to know me first. I'm never deceptive, but if I'm not throwing it out there to warm someone, my orientation usually simply doesn't come up for a bit. At work, a very religious co-worker didn't know I was gay until he had spent many hours chatting with me and he liked me very much. He found out that I'm gay and after a few more (more interesting conversations), he's reconsidering his upcoming vote on gay marriage in California. I'm glad I didn't warn him.

Z

Wed Jun 11, 2008 1:34 am GMT   Reply      

Please-don't-take-offense-about-the-breeding-thing-Z....I-was-making-an-attempt-to-look-at-homosexuality-from-a-anti-gay-christian-perspective-and-I-apologize.

I-also-feel-that-if-a-loving-couple-wants-to-adopt-children,-get-them-out-of-state-custody,-it-doesn't-matter-much-that-couples-sexual-orientation.

Seeing-2-people-working-together-constructively-is-what's-important-IMO.

About-the-anatomically-compatability-thing-with-a-man-and-a-woman......That's-my-preferance......I'm-sure-you're-very-happy-and-feel-thhat-you-and-your-partner-fit-together-wonderfully.....I'm-happy-for-you-Zambize....Right-now-I'm-single-and-miss-the-intimacy.....Having-to-dump-the-most-beautiful-woman-I've-ever-known-is-tough...I-loved-the-way-she-smelled,-her-eyes,-every-little-thing-about-her-emottionally-and-physically....I'm-a-massage-therapist-and-I-think-I-can-safely-say-that-I'm-pretty-adept-at-touch....I-never-get-sexual-during-a-professional-massage,-but-often-it's-a-very-intimate-situation.......I-don't-have-to-poke-a-woman-to-have-a-wonderful-experience...Sometimes-people-(often-women)-have-profound-spiritual-experiences-during-a-massage.....At-the-spa-I-used-to-work-at,-sometimes-a-woman-who-had-specifically-requested-a-woman-therapist-and-at-the-last-minute-no-women-were-avaliable,..they-would-always-send-them-to-me-because-I-have-a-very-professional-manner-about-me-and-I-knew-how-to-make-a-woman-feel-comfortable.

And-as-for-satisfying-a-woman.....For-me-I-don't-get-turned-on-unless-my-woman-is-turned-on.....Sex-for-me-doesn't-have-a-goal-either.....I-like-to-make-love-for-hours-without-having-an-orgasm.....I'm-not-the-typical-wham-bam-thank-you-mam.-guy......I-try-to-empathise,-or-put-myself-into-my-partners-mind....Her-pleasure-is-my-reward.....Peter

Wed Jun 11, 2008 2:32 am GMT   Reply      

Peter -

It sounds like leaving your ex was, and is, very hard. But it also sounds like it was the right thing. So many times the right thing is so hard to do. I've left more than one poisonous beautiful woman. And I still think about them sometimes.

When anti-gay people like to point out that "at least they're (gay people) not breeding", I like to point out that the gay population is a result of heterosexual breeding.

Z

Wed Jun 11, 2008 2:59 am GMT   Reply      

OK.....Just-read-the-post-about-my-ex-black-girlfriend.....You-are-so-damned-politically-correct!!!......I-don't-always-refer-to-her-as-a-black-woman....I-just-thought-she-was-so-incredibly-beautiful......Her-skin-is-gorgeous,-her-shape-is-gorgeous,-etc-etc.....I-loved-to-have-a-relationship-with-a-woman-most-"white"men-aren't-commonly-seen-with-and-to-go-against-stereotypes.....If-you-don't-like-the-way-I've-betrayed-her-then-by-all-means-put-me-into-you-male-pig-sh*t-box.....Sorry-if-I-offended-you-Z....We-men-are-all-the-same,-right?...Just-a-bunch-of-dicks-on-testosterone.

Wed Jun 11, 2008 3:59 am GMT   Reply      

I-don't-refer-to-her-as-a-black-woman-because-of-what-I'm-about-to-say.....As-I-said,-it's-because-a-white-man-and-a-black-woman-is-rare-and-unconventual,-and-I-don't-use-the-adjective-in-most-other-areas-of-my-life.

I-did-get-a-veiw-on-the-disfunction-a-certian-segment-of-the-American-black-community,-particularly-generation-after-generation-of-children-growing-up-with-one-parent,-usually-being-the-mother......I-saw-how-boys-are-raised-by-a-parent-who-lacks-the-skills-or-cultural-experience-to-raise-them-to-be-productive-people-able-to-stay-with-a-woman-who-he-gets-pregnant-and-keep-a-family-together....I-felt-sorry-for-this-woman-and-she-felt-like-a-bad-mother-because-it-was-clear-(without-me-trying-to-make-it-obvious)-that-I-had-the-instinct-and-skills-of-a-good-parent-and-she-didn't......I-would-shop-for-healthy-food,-cook-the-dinners,-and-I-even-brought-home-books-from-the-library-and-read-to-them-among-many-other-things-like-teaching-them-how-to-swim,-ride-a-bike-without-traning-wheels,-crawl-around-tide-pools,-and-go-hiking-etc.....I-wanted-to-show-her-and-her-kids-a-better-life-but-that-was-just-too-much-to-ask-for.....I-see-how-most-of-this-disfunction-in-the-poor-black-commuunity-started-with-slavery-and-the-remaining-racism,-lack-of-oportunities-or-the-drive-to-grow-intellectually-and-take-advantage-of-oportunities,-and-I-hoped-love-would-conquer-all-and-all-would-come-around-for-the-good......Alas!!!....With-a-broken-heart-I've-let-the-most-beautiful-lovely-woman-I've-ever-known-go.....Even-if-I-could-forgive-her-for-the-cheating-and-stealing-I-can't-ruin-my-son's-life-by-staying-with-her.....My-son-was-raised-right-and-it-shows.....He-is-my-#1-responsibility.

Thank-you-Boss-for-your-comment-about-your-"Hawaian-girl"......I-ithink-if-someone-is-different-from-you-it's-OK-to-refer-to-them-as-black,purple-green-or-whatever.....I-feel-for-people-who-were-raised-to-be-disfunctual.....I-also-admire-some-who-against-many-odds-have-struggled-to-make-sucesses-of-themselves....Some-of-the-nurses-from-poor-socioeconomic-backgrounds-I've-come-in-contact-with-give-off-a-beautiful-aora-of-accomplishment-and-grace.....They-put-themselves-through-school-and-made-good-lives-for-themselves,-and-I,-as-a-privilaged-white-guy,-am-soft-and-weak-compared-to-them.

Wed Jun 11, 2008 4:17 am GMT   Reply      

Peter,

Whoa, there, your testosterone really is showing! No offense intended, chill, soft white guy.

-----> put-me-into-you-male-pig-sh*t-box.....Sorry-if-I-offended-you-Z....We-men-are-all-the-same,-right?...Just-a-bunch-of-dicks-on-testosterone

I have never said or implied any of these things. I don't think I'm the one stereotyping here.....

But about my fish.... LOL

Z

Wed Jun 11, 2008 6:13 am GMT   Reply      

Z - - -I could totally sit through many many many pots o coffee with you for sure.......

I must correct my ststement about m daughter, or at least clarify, i try to let her know that ..... "i did this in that sitution, and this is what happened" and then let her make the choice of doing it the same or differently.....but more importantly I am right there {as much as a father can be in a teen daughters life} to pick up the pieces or pat her on the back depending on the out come, so i agree whole heartedly with your statements on teens. I still feel as much as I need to respect her opinion that i need to present my expieriences and thoughts to her for her to think about and act upon or not - - i should also clarify that she is my stepdaughter ...so we have very different and i think better relationship than biologicals [lol thats a funny word], we talk about things that would probably make her mother turn inside out, lol but there is still the father daughter line to keep us in check..........

And after reading your post about making love without my penis...............I'm totally down with that and pride myself in always making sure my wife is satified with or without my "member" i think im part lesbian???? LOL

as far as warning goes....i meant it's more for the person doing the warning or i should say informing than for the people "we" are telling.............I mean when i say I'm dateing a black woman, a man, a whatever it's to alow the people i might be talking to to prepare themselves as, as a rule a lot of people have a precocieved picture of things and if it's different they freak out, IE you were pretty lucky in your relationship with the religious guy .....a lot of religious people would have cut the relationship short quickly, or worse took you on as a project to try and make you straight

she called you soft white guy PK ...LMAO ...........


love ya Z - - -thanks for your thoughts...... AL

Wed Jun 11, 2008 8:29 am GMT   Reply      

I've had many religious people cut the relationship short, including my mother. We've spoken four times since I was 16, I'm now 43. And I haven't yet had one try to take me on as a project, although I know that happens. LOL

As far as your teenager, I listen to them all day tell me what they can't say to their parents, or won't say. About 90% say two things: 1) my parents don't listen and 2) my parents just preach. You probably do a fine job, I just hear parents in one meeting tell me that they are just providing perspective or experience to their teen, and in the next meeting I hear their teen say the above two items. The teens I talk to just want their parents to listen. The more the parents just listen, the more the teen feels respected and then they'll naturally ask for the parent's experience, or (god forbid) advice.

What teens hear: (in my humble experience)
Dad: How was your day?
Teen: Really tough, my best friend showed me some marijuana that she had in her purse, I've never seen it before and certainly not from her!
Dad: I had that happen to me once and .... (or worse, well when I was your age....)

What teens want:
Dad: How was your day?
Teen: Really tough, my best friend showed me some marijuana that she had in her purse, I've never seen it before and certainly not from her!
Dad: Wow, that must have been hard for you.
Teen: Yes, it was. But here's what I'm going to do....

The second is called "reflective listening" which is a statement that rephrases what your teen has just said, only with understanding and empathy. It shows that you are listening and that you understand. It also allows the teen to talk further, uninterrupted, which is what they need and want to do, and you really get to know them even better.

That's my $1.00's worth. LOL. I'm sure you do just fine, I'm just sharing a wonderful technique that works miracles sometimes. It works with anyone. And it's genuine, because you really do want to listen and to help.

Probably waaaaay more than you wanted, but it's free advice and it cost me an arm and a leg to go to graduate school to learn it. LOL

Zambize

Wed Jun 11, 2008 5:36 pm GMT   Reply      

It's-nice-to-have-such-educated-people-to-communicate-with-here.....I-adore-my-son-and-I'm-so-proud-of-how-he's-turned-out....I-trust-him-and-he-trusts-me....I-think-I-started-out-doing-the-right-thing-by-him......When-he-was-a-baby-he-only-new-how-to-communicate-his-needs-by-crying-for-the-most-part....I-recognised-the-difference-between-a-manipulative-cry-and-a-genuine-cry-and-I-only-responded-to-the-genuine-cry.....he's-had-maybe-3-tantrums-in-his-life-with-me....I-completely-ignored-this-behavior-and-he-learned-that-it-was-a-waste-of-energy-and-stopped.

I-also-have-a-very-good-coparenting-relationship-with-his-mother-who-is-remarried.....I'm-just-so-proud-of-him....He'll-be-here-next-week-and-is-flying-unaccompanied-which-is-a-lot-of-fun-for-him.

I-think-I've-said-enough-about-my-ex-GF......I'm-really-not-that-soft-as-I've-had-a-difficult-life-in-many-ways....I-overcame-drug-and-alcohol-addiction-and-I-came-out-of-it-healthy-and-much-wiser-and-I-think-I-made-the-right-choice-concerning-my-ex-GF....It-was-mostly-for-my-son.

It's-refreshing-to-hear-about-your-obvious-love-for-your-daughter-Boss.....Good-parents-are-not-that-common-unfortunatly.

Wed Jun 11, 2008 6:46 pm GMT   Reply      

Thank you PK, I know good parents are hard to come by, I came from a very broken home myself and my concern has always been to give her the best i can so she doesn't have to go through the shit i did..........Z has some very good words
And you obviously have your head on striaght .....I'd love to meet you and your son one of these days for sure. Boat invite is always open bud....OH and get a damned keybooard LMAO


Z.......HELL YEAH......................i'm hearing you and I AM a guilty adult in some respects ...DAMN that "when I was your age" statement, lol ...............very good advise hun, and I'll take it to heart for sure..................as a stepfather who came onto the scene when she was 13 {now 16} I really don't want to "change" her upbringing at all, her parents did just fine and she is a wonderfully well rounded, mature young lady for her age...................so all in all I really don't have much time left with her "under my roof" that is.....although she may live with us till she's 30,lol but you know what I mean and I want to be available for her not preachy, hard assed etc etc because I totally understand the 2 examples you gave above and like i said although guilty i don't want to be "that" parent [as much as posable]

Thanks Z - - your the bomb - -i was astranged from my father for about 8 yrs and it sucked - -you sound very well rounded and don't need my simpathy but i will say I am sorry that your mother can't see past a lifechoice and love her daughter............nuff said
FISH TALK ...lol

I got a call from my daughter today saying that she found one the cats playing with a smaill hermit crab shell on the floor...............little buggar must have climbed out and fell off the tank...............oh well fair game for a cat when they hit the floor eh?.....dam, lol

Boss